"Real Marriage"

If it weren't for our faith, Kem and I both agree we probably would have been divorced several years ago. We are both so stinkin' independent and driven... if we're not careful, we can drift into two different tracks in a matter of weeks.

We were out with some great friends (including this guy) last night and had some "real" conversation about our marriages.

Here are some of the lessons I've learned from our 13+ years:

• Kem is for me. She wants me to have success in my career and ministry, be a great father, and to do life with her. In the early years in our marriage, I didn't get this... especially when we would fight. Be "for" your spouse.
• Marriage is hard work. Really hard. It would be so much easier to be able to do what you want to do, when you want to do it, and accomplish whatever I want to go after. However, like most things.... easier is not better.
• I didn't realize how low a low could be in a marriage. When we're in a bad place, life stinks. If we were to try to navigate out of all these times on our own, we probably would not have made it. Let friends in your life and be real with them. Get counseling. Press-in, be truthful and real. Don't go at it alone.
• There are several things that are important to Kem that I don't get... I've found that "logically" explaining to her why those things shouldn't be important is bad. Sometimes really bad. Find out what she cares about and do that. :)
• People are watching. Our kids are watching. The accountability that comes with leadership makes it all the more important that we work through our challenges. It makes me wonder, how many couples have pulled the plug because they simply thought it really didn't matter to anyone outside themselves?
• I love how we talk about ministry, business, strategy, innovation, communications, and what we're learning together. For me, it's one of the top 5 glues in our marriage. We share and do life together overlapping and intertwining passion and purpose in what we do day to day, week to week. It's one thing to be in a bowling league together...it's entirely different when you're on mission together.
• I thought Kem was marrying me for my body. She wasn't.
• I get great fulfillment working to help Kem in her strengths and watching her grow and thrive. Her mission has become part of mine. Are you all about your talents or are you encouraging and supporting your spouse in what they were created to do?

Kem's feisty, smart, fun, and a babe. I can't wait to see how our relationship continues to grow in good times and bad. She makes me a better man.